Sunday, August 26, 2007

Brand-New Metaphor for Dating Woes

In a recent conversation with her bishop, my sister lamented the state of dating in her student ward, and in the general singles scene. It seems that the young adult population is filled to the non-alcoholic brim with eligible young males and females, and yet only a small percentage of said candidates are hooking up.

His inspired response was to comment that there are a number of single females out there that are like computer software: everything is programmed, packaged, and ready to go; all they need is a computer to upload into to get started.

As I reflected on this metaphor, I realized that not only does it serve as a comfort to the eligible female tired of waiting for Mr. Right, it also explains why I too am still single, despite my eligible-young-male-who-on-more-than-one-occasion-has-been-said-to-look-like-Bruce-Willis-status.

Simply put, in a world of PC's, I am a Mac. Which means...

1. I attract only 4-5% of the market. Apple has consistently only tallied a small percentage of total computer sales. This year they are showing a 26% increase overall, but this only brings their total market share up to about 5 and a half percent. In dating language, this means that in spite of obvious style and performance advantages, most girls are still going after Dells (accountants).

2. Most girls are not compatible with me. Most software is only designed for PC's. This is obvious from any stroll through CompUSA. The vast majority of the population couldn't "get" Mac's even if they wanted to.

3. I possess superior styling, performance and charm, but girls fear change, and thus stick with the cheaper product. It is well documented that Mac's cost considerably more than PC's, which is an understandable deterrent. But if you want to do anything with your computer other than run TurboTax, a Mac is the way to go.

4. I am most compatible with people that appreciate the arts and media. Visit most any advertising agency, graphic design company, or film studio, and you will see without fail: they use Macs. Visit an office full of civil servants, and you will see PC upon PC, running subtle variations of a staid Windows display. (Funny exception: often on TV and in movies, government employees use Macs. I have been a government employee. They never use Macs.)

5. After fifteen years of dating, I have stooped to using computer metaphors to justify my single status. That's the bad news. The good news is that thanks to innovative cross-compatible products like iTunes, iPod and iPhone, (IE, my great taste in music/culture and an increasing awareness of my improved practicality), Macs are catching on, and making steady gains in the market. So the short term may look bleak, but the future is an LCD million-color dream.