Monday, May 25, 2009

Love thy neighbor

Yesterday I got pegged to teach Elder's Quorum for the first time since getting evicted from my old student ward. The lesson was based on President Henry B. Eyring's "Man Down" from last Priesthood Session, about attending to the spiritual needs of those around us. I wanted to liven things up a bit, so I came up with this short multiple-choice quiz to create some good practical application scenarios:

1. For the last six months, you and your companion have been assigned to a less active family named the Wixoms. It has been hard to get consistent appointments, but in recent months the family has begun to open their doors and their hearts to you. While on a recent home teaching visit, Brother Wixom admits that he would like to come back to the ward, but sometimes he worries that he’s not worthy. What is your response?

A. “Brother Wixom, we completely understand your concern, and we certainly don’t want to put you in an uncomfortable position. Maybe we can arrange to have dinner at your home on Sunday evenings for the next month or so, and we can tell you what happened at church until you feel good about coming back.

B. “Brother Wixom, we understand how you feel. No one is perfect, and we all feel a little unworthy sometimes. We’d love to see you at church this Sunday, and I’m sure the Lord would love to have you there, too.”

C. “Brother Wixom, the burden of sin can be heavy. Why don’t you take this handy chart and fill out the details of your different transgressions, then my companion and I will pass it on to the Bishop so he can decide if you are worthy to enter the sacred House of the Lord.”

D. “I’m sorry Brother Wixom, I didn’t hear what you said. I was texting my bookie.”


2. While playing a pick-up game of basketball at the ward gym one Tuesday night, you note the presence of Brother Ostler, who hasn’t been to church in over seven years and is rumored to have a live-in girlfriend who works in a tattoo parlor. On a particularly aggressive drive, Brother Ostler lands awkwardly and suffers a compound fracture of his left femur that leaves him writhing on the ground in pain as his shattered bone juts out just below a brand-new tattoo of a word that has been declared legally obscene in forty-three states. What is your response?

A. Call 911 and try to comfort Brother Ostler until qualified paramedics arrive.

B. Attempt to set the leg yourself, since people do it all the time on TV and it’s totally no big deal.

C. Crouch over Brother Ostler, look him calmly in the eye, and say, “Brother Ostler, I noticed that you have a problem with profanity. When people use potty language in the House of the Lord, bad things happen.”

D. Grab the rebound, fire a quick outlet pass, then hustle to the opposite end of the court in time for a dominating tomahawk layup.


3. Your wife has made some fresh bread one afternoon, and asks you to deliver a rye loaf to your elderly widowed neighbor Sister Cowan while she takes your kids to their underwater Yoga class. When you arrive, you find the door ajar and Sister Cowan staggering around her front room, knocking over furniture while choking on a Milk Dud. Do you:

A. Quietly leave the bread on the doorstep and slink away back home.

B. Knock on the door politely and say, “Sister Cowan, I see that this is a bad time for you, and I really don’t want to give my wife the wrong idea, so I’ll just leave this bread on the table and counsel you to call your home teachers in order to preserve the proper line of authority in these matters.”

C. Drop the bread, rush over to Sister Cowan and administer the Heimlich Maneuver, then leave with a word of prayer.

D. Drop the bread, throw your arms into the air, and attempt to cast the demons out of Sister Cowan’s apartment.