Tuesday, August 24, 2010

The Wounded Mosquito Productions Internship!

This week, across the country, hundreds of millions of bright-eyed youngsters are starting a brand-new semester of college, in many cases, for the first time.  But in these days of intense competition and uncertain economic climate changes, a degree will only take you so far, and many employers are looking for something extra in prospective employees.  That is why, in the proud tradition of Dunder Mifflin and Kramerica Industries, Wounded Mosquito Productions has decided to offer its first-ever official internship* for the Fall 2010 semester.


The Wounded Mosquito Internship will give one successful candidate a variety of genuine, real-world professional experiences, including (but not limited to) the vast world of modern media, the behind-the-curtain world of modern academia, and the ever-changing tasty world of local culinary establishments.  The intern will function side-by-side with the company President and CEO to execute and maintain the high quality standards of Wounded Mosquito Productions.  (Specific high quality standards of Wounded Mosquito Productions subject to change).

Specific responsibilities include:
  • Waking President/CEO up in morning
  • Preparing breakfast for President/CEO (or lunch, depending on circumstance)
  • Texting friends/associates of President/CEO to make social plans for weekend
  • Surfing Internet to look for ideas/clients for President/CEO
  • Grading English papers for the President/CEO while he does other stuff
  • Running the iPod while driving to shoots with President/CEO
  • Attending functions with President/CEO, such as Jazz games and afternoon matinees
  • Driving company vehicle if President/CEO is way pooped after a long day
  • Assisting the President/CEO with important scientific experiments, like testing new salsa or smoothie recipes
  • Remembering stuff that President/CEO often forgets, like turning off the stove before leaving the house
Minimum Qualifications

The selected candidate must:
  • Speak/write/recognize English
  • Be high school graduate, or thereabouts
  • Be able to cook pretty well
  • Be able to write stuff fast in case President/CEO starts getting lots of ideas really quick
  • Be able to drive a manual transmission
  • Have a clean driving record, or at least a cleaner one than President/CEO
  • Be able to understand satire
Preferred Qualifications

The ideal candidate will be:
  • Female
  • Single
  • Into cool stuff, like music and food
  • Smart with a cool personality...and hot, too
  • A former athletic trainer (President/CEO needs to lose about 15-20 pounds)
  • Not way taller than President/CEO
  • Willing to put up with President/CEO's eccentric-genius habits
Additional Details 

This is an unpaid internship, and Wounded Mosquito Productions does not offer college credit, at least any that would be accepted by an accredited institution.  (At the same time, candidate does not need to be enrolled at an accredited institution to qualify for internship.  Candidate can be in massage therapy school, for example).  Company will provide successful candidate with her own parking space. At the conclusion of the internship, candidate will receive autographed certificate of completion and photo with President/CEO.  They may go out to dinner or something, too.


If you are interested in applying for this position, please send a resume and head shot to intern_thing@woundedmosquito.com.  A representative of Wounded Mosquito Productions will contact you if the President/CEO wants to bring you in for an interview, or just meet you downtown to grab a burger or something.  President/CEO may decide to bring on multiple candidates depending on professional and social needs.