Thursday, July 01, 2010

Bona Fide

It's official.  Next January I am going to be an uncle.  A real one.

Beast Wench is having a kid.

Up until now, I have happily served as an auxiliary uncle to several of my close friends' children, with mixed results.  I'm not sure all of them really know who I am.  But in January, all that will end.  My sister--my only sibling--will have a baby, and I will finally be bona-fide.

Coming from a small family, this is a big deal.  Most of my friends have been aunts or uncles for a long time now.*  I have a lot of important life experience to pass on, and it will be nice to finally have someone around who is genetically obligated to listen to me.  While my sister and brother-in-law labor to provide food and shelter for their newborn, I will be there to cover the important stuff.  Namely, to make sure the child grows up a devoted follower of the Utah Jazz, and that he/she sees "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" at a young age, long before the kids at school ruin the experience by doing all the best lines in bad British accents.  I'll be there to block the influence of country music, and to let the glory of Tom Jones shine in.

It's gonna be a blast.


*Yes, I realize that most of my friends have also moved on to give birth to their own children, but from what I can tell, being an uncle is the better gig.  It's kind of like being Vice President: your name is on the ticket, you share in the glory and the prestige, but you really don't have to do anything.