Thursday, March 01, 2007

An open letter to my five loyal readers

Dear reader (and I do mean "dear", albeit in a purely platonic way, assuming that some of you may be in legally sanctioned committed relationships),

I feel terrible that the last two or three weeks have seen so little activity on The Wounded Mosquito. Please understand that I am aware of my lack of productivity, and mourn it exceedingly. I could provide a list of excuses for this lapse, such as writer's block, the various injuries to a number of Jazz players, the fact that the government is trying to milk me for a further $300 on my taxes this year, or the fact that much of my recent material has been shipped to various KSL representatives in an effort to win a spot as a contributing editor on the Nightside Project. I could even man up and admit that my last post--the one on Utah drivers--was only 50% new, and was largely a recycled piece that I pulled off the old Planet Venison site, a site that hasn't seen a sincere update in nearly a year now.

No, all excuses aside, I must give you the real reason for my MIA status: for days I have been unable to turn away from the media frenzy surrounding Anna Nicole Smith. Yes, dear friend, every moment I am not firmly committed to teaching or doing whatever it is that I do professionally these days, I am cycling through channels 41 through 49, eager to get the breaking update on the demise of the former Miss Smith. You can toss aside the Grammy's, the Oscar's, (also known as the "We Hate President Bush Awards, Vol's I and II."). I really don't care about why Britney went to la-la land and decided that the Mr. Clean special was the hot haircut to score. I can't even be bothered with the official opening of Presidential Election 2008 festivities, and all the tired references to polygamy and Mitt Romney it is already making. No, I'm just too fascinated with the Anna Nicole Smith story. Thank goodness it's on every channel. I would sincerely hate to see any pebble of news left uncovered in this one.

It has occurred to me, however, that maybe there is something wrong with this obsession of mine. Maybe there is more to life than slavishly following the fallout of a former reality-TV star's death. Maybe Fox News and CNN and Larry King really should find something more important to report on. There was that former Jazz player that just came out of the closet--maybe we could hear some more about that.

In the meantime, my friends, if you'd really like to see some more material on this thing, and I know you do--your jobs really aren't all that interesting, are they?--why don't you drop me a line, fire off a little message, and tell me what you want to hear about. Let's go for a little stimulus-response, eh? You can post comments here or just e-mail me at

I need your help. Get me back on the wagon. Save me from the netherworld of Anna-land.