1. I own my own blender. I even use it, too. Just to make virgin margaritas, but that's got to count for something.
2. I've got that "opening doors" thing nailed. This one has already been well-documented. I can handle doorknobs, push/pull setups, automatic doors, and most types of windows.
3. I shave my head. Sure, you could say that male-pattern baldness is a negative, but I say it's a much bigger negative to the guys who live in comb-over denial. Besides, as we discussed earlier, I have a perfectly shaped head.
4. I have season tickets to the Utah Jazz. That's right, baby: 41 pre-paid date nights a year! Just make sure to bring your own oxygen mask and an extra layer; the air gets a little thin in the upper bowl. On the flip side, the odds of seeing a fistfight are way higher.
5. I have a weakness for certain RomCom's. Keep in mind, there's a big difference between Romantic Comedies and Chick Flicks (which are still a no-no), but thanks to a Big Brother Complex* I developed for John Cusack many years ago, I can usually be talked into a periodic RomCom, especially if it stars some super-fly hot mama like Meg Ryan or Kate Beckinsale.
7. I own my own business. Sure, I may have only created it for tax reasons, and yeah, maybe I named it after a Monty Python sketch, but seriously, I own my own business. That's cool, right?
8. I am not into video games. I have plenty of free time to talk to you and make out and stuff.
9. I have a reasonable bench-press. I won't be impressing anyone at the NFL combine, but I hear the basic threshold is the ability to bench your own body weight, and I've got that kicked by a long shot. Especially if you believe that I weigh 115 pounds.
10. I am handy with a shotgun, and know all the best ways to deal with zombies. Of course, it helps if they are the size of clay pigeons and operate at a distance of 25-50 yards.
11. I play the drums. Playing the drums is a lot of fun, but as the foundational element of the band, you often feel left out of the creative loop. On the other hand, once I heard that drummers make good lovers, so there you go.
...so, why are there 11 highlights instead of a clean 10? Because guys with marryability don't conform to the cultural conventions of a shallow society (or the rules of grammar). Ladies, if you really want to score a Pimp-o-Matic Mega-Stud, you have to be ready to dial the volume up to 11.
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*Meaning "John Cusack is the big brother I never had," not, "I think John Cusack is watching my every move."
7 comments:
It's true. I have to admit that your list of reasons do, in fact, qualify you as a pimp-o-matic mega-stud. Congratulations. We need to do a shoot...like...yesterday. The weather is beautiful and I need to get my click awwwwn (on). The end.
I think 8 and 2 should be switched. I don't think most guys realize how much video games turn off girls. Or how much guys ignore their real life babe for a babe made out of a few billion zero's and ones.
On a side note. I don't have comb over denial. I know my hair is a weak point. And if I have a hat on, I look anywhere between 7 years younger, to 3 years older.
Those things being said, your Marriability rating is at least 40% higher than mine.
Mmm you forgot a few things! You own a huge Love Sac, aren't afraid to wear a Viking hat sans blonde braids during a party, and have a tender place in your heart for E.T. Quite the catch I would say.
I've often found myself tempted to compliment that perfectly shaped head of yours...
Now remember Josh, marryability is a function of both positives and negatives. I love that you're focusing on the positives (including your perfectly shaped head); however, you can't ignore the drawbacks. It may be that not being afraid to wear a Viking hat and owning a huge love sac are drawbacks that are hurting your overall rating. I challenge you to do your next post on an honest appraisal of the second half of your rating.
However, your rating does go up because the Love Sac was not purchased for a more comfortable video game playing experience...
All comments, as usual, are appreciated. And Sarah, never let it be said that I don't listen to my readers. Look for the "11 Reasons I am NOT a Pimp-o-Matic Mega-Stud" post by the end of the week.
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